我姓范
上大学的时候，班上的同学都是从不同的地方考来的，连姓都没有一样的。记得刚开学的时候，班主任叫同学们一起聚餐，既作为新学期第一次班会，也算是大家的第一次沟通。
吃饭前，班主任说：“同学们刚来报到，互相还不熟悉，我们先做个自我介绍吧。”于是，从班主任开始，大家一个一个地介绍自己的姓名、从什么地方来等等。紧挨着班主任的同学姓汤，他开玩笑说：“就是肉丝汤的汤。”接着，旁边的同学介绍自己姓蔡，大家一边笑一边说：“不是蔬菜的菜吧？如果是，我们这顿饭就不用点菜了。”正说着，一个同学不好意思地站了起来，小声说：“我姓范……”大家终于忍不住了，哈哈大笑起来。
My Surname Is Fan
When I was in university, the students in my class had all been admitted from different places, and no two people even had the same surname. I remember when the semester had just begun, our homeroom teacher invited the students to have a meal together. It served both as the first class meeting of the new semester and as everyone’s first chance to communicate.
Before eating, the homeroom teacher said, “You’ve all just arrived to register, and you’re still unfamiliar with one another, so let’s first introduce ourselves.” So, starting with the homeroom teacher, everyone introduced their name, where they came from, and so on. The student sitting right next to the homeroom teacher had the surname Tang, and he joked, “It’s the Tang from ròusī tāng — shredded pork soup.” Then the student beside him introduced himself as having the surname Cai. Everyone laughed and said, “Not the cài from vegetables, right? If so, we won’t need to order any dishes for this meal.” Just as they were talking, one student stood up shyly and said in a low voice, “My surname is Fan…” At that, everyone could finally no longer hold back and burst into laughter.
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改变不了
从前，有一个女人，别人送她一个外号——“馋老婆”。因为她太爱吃，不管说什么，都得说吃的东西。
有一天，丈夫准备去参加一个宴会，让她看看天气怎么样。她开门看了看，进了屋子就说：“哎呀，天正下雪，大得很呢！雪白得就像牛奶一样。”
“雪下得有多厚？”
“有烙饼那么厚。”
丈夫一看馋老婆的老毛病又犯了，就打了她一巴掌，说：“你以后少说吃的东西！再说的话，我非打你不可。”
馋老婆摸着脸说：“我记住了，再也不敢了。你好狠心啊，把我的脸打得像馒头似的。”
女儿一看妈妈挨了打，就哭了。馋老婆抱着孩子，一边给孩子擦眼泪一边说：“好孩子，别哭了。你哭的声音就像吃面包。”
Unable to Change
Long ago, there was a woman whom others gave the nickname “Greedy Wife,” because she loved eating too much. No matter what she talked about, she had to mention food.
One day, her husband was preparing to attend a banquet and asked her to check what the weather was like. She opened the door and looked outside. When she came back into the room, she said, “Oh my, it’s snowing! It’s snowing heavily! The snow is as white as milk.”
“How thick is the snow?”
“As thick as a pancake.”
When her husband saw that Greedy Wife’s old habit had come back again, he slapped her and said, “From now on, stop talking so much about food! If you mention it again, I’ll definitely hit you.”
Greedy Wife touched her face and said, “I’ll remember. I won’t dare do it again. You’re so cruel—my face has been hit until it’s like a steamed bun.”
When their daughter saw her mother had been hit, she started crying. Greedy Wife held the child and, while wiping away her tears, said, “Good child, don’t cry. The sound of your crying is just like eating bread.”
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