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To commemorate that girl which I most loved and betrayed 伤逝 by 鲁迅 Luxun

Translated by Michael Liu from Learn Chinese group

伤逝was a love story written by the Chinese writer Lu Xun. This short story tells the tragic love story of a Chinese feminist and a cowardly employee.
Lu Xun used the most touchy way to tell people that those so-called revolution does not need the courage to resist or break the old system, but the courage and perseverance for facing cruel life and establish a new rule.Caused this story was too long,i will divid it into 12 chapters for translation

 

Written by 鲁迅
(chapter 1 of 12)
I want to write down my remorse and sorrow, for my beloved Griselda also for myself, if she allows me in heaven
如果我能够我要写下我的悔恨和悲哀,为子君,为自己。
My dilapidated hut was forgotten by people, It is so lonely and empty among those mansion group.
会馆〔2〕里的被遗忘在偏僻里的破屋是这样地寂静和空虚。
whatever Time flies, I still missing my Griselda, Only the memory of her can save me from loneliness and emptiness.it had last a whole year
时光过得真快,我爱子君,仗着她逃出这寂静和空虚,已经满一年了。
Unfortunately, when I came back ,my hut was still shabby and lonely, windows still broken, The locust tree and wisteria outside the window have long withered ,.Between the two walls inside my house, there is only an old table and rotten wooden bed
事情又这么不凑巧,我重来时,偏偏空着的又只有这一间屋。依然是这样的破窗,这样的窗外的半枯的槐树和老紫藤,这样的窗前的方桌,这样的败壁,这样的靠壁的板床。
I lay alone and keep awaking in bed until mid-night , like the first day i dated with my Griselda, The unhappy memories of the past year are all forgotten, like never happened. like I never leave this hut, like we had built a hopeful little family here.
深夜中独自躺在床上,就如我未曾和子君同居以前一般,过去一年中的时光全被消灭,全未有过,我并没有曾经从这破屋子搬出,在吉兆胡同创立了满怀希望的小小的家庭。

A year before, this silence and emptiness were not like this, it was often accompanied by the anxiety of waiting period, waiting for the arrival of my Griselda.
In my anxiety of waiting, when the high heels hitting the rock-board road sounded ,in my great exiting, a white lychee-like face with two dimple in smile, with two willow like arms wearing a black skirt and strip shirt appeared, she brought me the leaves of locust tree and wisteria flower
不但如此。在一年之前,这寂静和空虚是并不这样的,常常含着期待期,待子君的到来。在久待的焦躁中,一听到皮鞋的高底尖触着砖路的清响,是怎样地使我 骤然生动起来呵!于是就看见带着笑涡的苍白的圆脸,苍白的瘦的臂膊,布的有条纹的衫子,玄色的裙。她又带了窗外的半枯的槐树的新叶来,使我看见,还有挂在 铁似的老干上的一房一房的紫白的藤花。
And now? she can just appearing in my dream,forever,forever,forever
然而现在呢,只有寂静和空虚依旧,子君却决不再来了,而且永远,永远地!……
When Griselda was not in my hut, I am not interested in any kind of reading , But my hearing is very sensitive, I can always hear Griselda’s footsteps among the girls’, I know it's just my female neighbor’s sound
子君不在我这破屋里时,我什么也看不见。在百无聊赖中,顺手抓过一本书来,科学也好,文学也好,横竖什么都一样;看下去,看下去,忽而自己觉得,已经 翻了十多页了,但是毫不记得书上所说的事。只是耳朵却分外地灵,仿佛听到大门外一切往来的履声,从中便有子君的,而且橐橐地逐渐临近,——但是,往往又逐 渐渺茫,终于消失在别的步声的杂沓中了。我憎恶那不像子君鞋声的穿布底鞋的长班〔3〕的儿子,我憎恶那太像子君鞋声的常常穿着新皮鞋的邻院的搽雪花膏的小 东西!
Where is my lover? Does she hit by car?
莫非她翻了车么?莫非她被电车撞伤了么?……
I wearing my coat up and visiting her in her uncle’s house, though her uncle cursed me manytomes.
我便要取了帽子去看她,然而她的胞叔就曾经当面骂过我。
Suddenly with the sounds of high heel,she pass those wisteria, and smiling to me,she haven’t quarreled with her uncle, then we Talk about family tyranny, talk about breaking old habits, talk about gender equality and women right, talk about Tagore, talk about Shelley,her eyes filled with a curious light, just like a lovely child. She was a little shy when she saw the my statue of naked David, There are mightly some conservative ideas belonged to the Qing Dynasty still in her mind

蓦然,她的鞋声近来了,一步响于一步,迎出去时,却已经走过紫藤棚下,脸上带着微笑的酒窝。她在她叔子的家里大约并未受气;我的心宁帖了,默默地相视 片时之后,破屋里便渐渐充满了我的语声,谈家庭专制,谈打破旧习惯,谈男女平等,谈伊孛生,谈泰戈尔,谈雪莱。她总是微笑点头,两眼里弥漫着稚 气的好奇的光泽。壁上就钉着一张铜板的雪莱半身像,是从杂志上裁下来的,是他的最美的一张像。当我指给她看时,她却只草草一看,便低了头,似乎不好意思 了。这些地方,子君就大概还未脱尽旧思想的束缚,——我后来也想,倒不如换一张雪莱淹死在海里的记念像或是伊孛生的罢;但也终于没有换,现在是连这一张也 不知那里去了。
Don’t worry, My marriage can just be decided by myself!
“我是我自己的,他们谁也没有干涉我的权利!”
This was a decision she made after quarreling with her father and uncle several times ,after we fell in love for half a year.
This is a very determined and calm decision. Although I asked a lot of questions, about my intellectual style weak character, I haven’t a prominent family background. She still firmly said that, times have changed.
Her words shocked my soul for many weeks. I never exited like that and I know Chinese women had changed. My hope for the future is like the dawn of the morning sky
这是我们交际了半年,又谈起她在这里的胞叔和在家的父亲时,她默想了一会之后,分明地,坚决地,沉静地说了出来的话。其时是我已经说尽了我的意见,我 的身世,我的缺点,很少隐瞒;她也完全了解的了。这几句话很震动了我的灵魂,此后许多天还在耳中发响,而且说不出的狂喜,知道中国女性,并不如厌世家所说 那样的无法可施,在不远的将来,便要看见辉煌的曙色的。

 


 

(chapter 2of 12)
I sent Griselda out ,we walk together for 10 meters, Neighbors’ old men, women and girls put their faces on their windows, They were amazed that why a girl from wealthy clan could fall in love with me ,a poor intellectuals from low class. Griselda struck back their sneering and questioning eyes with her pride.

送她出门,照例是相离十多步远;照例是那鲇鱼须的老东西的脸又紧帖在脏的窗玻璃上了,连鼻尖都挤成一个小平面;到外院,照例又是明晃晃的玻璃窗里的那小东西的脸,加厚的雪花膏。她目不邪视地骄傲地走了,没有看见;我骄傲地回来。
“my marriage can just be decided by myself,it’s my right!
Facing the questioning eyes of my neighbours, she is stronger than me
“我是我自己的,他们谁也没有干涉我的权利!”这彻底的思想就在她的脑里,比我还透澈,坚强得多。半瓶雪花膏和鼻尖的小平面,于她能算什么东西呢?
I can't remember, how I express my pure and scalding love to her at that time. But after we lived together for two months, our sweet memories gradually changed from movies to photos , from photos to dreams
我已经记不清那时怎样地将我的纯真热烈的爱表示给她。岂但现在,那时的事后便已模胡,夜间回想,早只剩了一些断片了;同居以后一两月,便连这些断片也 化作无可追踪的梦影。
I can just remember ten days before I proposed to Griselda. I have been thinking about what I have to say for such a long time, And get ready to be rejected by her.
But these are futile. In my extreme tension, I grabbed her hand like those male starring in movie, kneeing one of my leg and tearing in my dim room..
我只记得那时以前的十几天,曾经很仔细地研究过表示的态度,排列过措辞的先后,以及倘或遭了拒绝以后的情形。可是临时似乎都无用,在 慌张中,身不由己地竟用了在电影上见过的方法了。后来一想到,就使我很愧恧,但在记忆上却偏只有这一点永远留遗,至今还如暗室的孤灯一般,照见我含泪握着 她的手,一条腿跪了下去……。
In a vague memory,Griselda accepted my proposal,her face’s color turned into white,then turned into sunset clouds red. There was surprise and joy in her childlike eyes. She avoided my gaze and shyly pulled her hand out of my hand. Although she didn't speak, I knew she accepted me
不但我自己的,便是子君的言语举动,我那时就没有看得分明;仅知道她已经允许我了。但也还仿佛记得她脸色*变成青白,后来又渐渐转作绯红,——没有见 过,也没有再见的绯红;孩子似的眼里射出悲喜,但是夹着惊疑的光,虽然力避我的视线,张皇地似乎要破窗飞去。然而我知道她已经允许我了,没有知道她怎样说 或是没有说。

She recited my vow at that night, until the day I betrayed her, she still remember it.
That night, she force me to remember my vows, like a young vivid lovely teacher correcting homework for a child, revising it over and over, and reciting it over and over again ,until i made she satisfied.
她却是什么都记得:我的言辞,竟至于读熟了的一般,能够滔滔背诵;我的举动,就如有一张我所看不见的影片挂在眼下,叙述得如生,很细微,自然连那使我 不愿再想的浅薄的电影的一闪。夜阑人静,是相对温习的时候了,我常是被质问,被考验,并且被命复述当时的言语,然而常须由她补足,由她纠正,像一个丁等的 学生。
This looks naive, but Griselda doesn't thought it’s ridiculous, because she loves me , loved like iron burning and snow pure.
然而她并不觉得可笑。即使我自己以为可笑,甚而至于可鄙的,她也毫不以为可笑。这事我知道得很清楚,因为她爱我,是这样地热烈,这样地纯真。
Last spring was our busiest and sweetest time, My heart began to calm down, When we walk together, whether in the street or in the park.
people always use their eyes to question why a rose is inserted in a pile of bullshit, when cowardice and shame coming to me, Griselda always used her strength to fight back those secular contempt.
Our love is sacred, just ignore them,my husband.
去年的暮春是最为幸福,也是最为忙碌的时光。我的心平静下去了,但又有别一部分和身体一同忙碌起来。我们这时才在路上同行,也到过几回公园,最多的是 寻住所。我觉得在路上时时遇到探索,讥笑,猥亵和轻蔑的眼光,一不小心,便使我的全身有些瑟缩,只得即刻提起我的骄傲和反抗来支持。她却是大无畏的,对于 这些全不关心,只是镇静地缓缓前行,坦然如入无人之境。
it was really hard to find a rental house, under the fearing of Griselda’s father and uncle's superpower, many landlords refused to rent us, Very few landlords are willing to rent their house to me, but their extremely dilapidated house was not suitable for humanbeing to live in. We found more than 20 houses, and finally lived in this dilapidated Hut.
Our landlord is a government official, Our hut is part of his mansion, He is an open-minded man

He lived with his wife, his children and nanny in that mansion next to my hut. As long as the children don’t cry, we all live in a good silence.
寻住所实在不是容易事,大半是被托辞拒绝,小半是我们以为不相宜。起先我们选择得很苛酷,——也非苛酷,因为看去大抵不像是我们的安身之所;后来,便 只要他们能相容了。看了二十多处,这才得到可以暂且敷衍的处所,是吉兆胡同一所小屋里的两间南屋;主人是一个小官,然而倒是明白人,自住着正屋和厢房。他 只有夫人和一个不到周岁的女孩子,雇一个乡下的女工,只要孩子不啼哭,是极其安闲幽静的。
Our furniture was very simple, The money from my family for my marriage had spent a half, No matter how I dissuade, Griselda insists on selling her gold ring and pearl earrings. I know that by virtue of her character, if she can't buy shares of our family, she won't live here.
我们的家具很简单,但已经用去了我的筹来的款子的大半;子君还卖掉了她唯一的金戒指和耳环。我拦阻她,还是定要卖,我也就不再坚持下去了;我知道不给她加入一点股分去,她是住不舒服的。
with her powerful uncle, Their relationship have already broken off. For our marriage, I also broke up with some friends, We live in a lonely and quiet circumstance
At dusk after get off work every day, we always snuggle together and walking on the quiet street,we talk like old friends who hasn't met for a long time,we think we began to know each other, like Long-married couple.But three weeks later, we mightly began to have some gaps
和她的叔子,她早经闹开,至于使他气愤到不再认她做侄女;我也陆续和几个自以为忠告,其实是替我胆怯,或者竟是嫉妒的朋友绝了交。然而这倒很清静。每 日办公散后,虽然已近黄昏,车夫又一定走得这样慢,但究竟还有二人相对的时候。我们先是沉默的相视,接着是放怀而亲密的交谈,后来又是沉默。大家低头沉思 着,却并未想着什么事。我也渐渐清醒地读遍了她的身体,她的灵魂,不过三星期,我似乎于她已经更加了解,揭去许多先前以为了解而现在看来却是隔膜,即所谓 真的隔膜了。

Griselda was very naughty sometime, She loves small animals far more than the small flowers I bought for her, My flowers have all withered because of no water for four days, She plays with the four little fat chickens given by our landlady every day, I send her a white puppy with a black dot as gift, Griselda renamed him mudball. I don’t like this rustic name.

子君也逐日活泼起来。但她并不爱花,我在庙会时买来的两盆小草花,四天不浇,枯死在壁角了,我又没有照顾一切的闲暇。然而她爱动物,也许是从官 太太那里传染的罢,不一月,我们的眷属便骤然加得很多,四只小油鸡,在小院子里和房主人的十多只在一同走。但她们却认识鸡的相貌,各知道那一只是自家的。 还有一只花白的叭儿狗,从庙会买来,记得似乎原有名字,子君却给它另起了一个,叫作阿随。我就叫它阿随,但我不喜欢这名字。
I told Griselda that, those so-called love was a tiny epic of two people’s struggling together, grow together and making progress together. She nodded and said, I understand
这是真的,爱情必须时时更新,生长,创造。我和子君说起这,她也领会地点点头。
Sigh, what a peaceful and happy night, wish time can be frozen in those days
唉唉,那是怎样的宁静而幸福的夜呵!

 


 

 

(chapter 3of 12)
tranquillity and happiness will fade away if unchanged,un-refreshed. These gradually vanished after the first day we live together. We just sat facing each other. We just sat facing each other,reminiscing ,savouring again the joy of the new harmony which had followed our disputes.
安宁和幸福是要凝固的,永久是这样的安宁和幸福。我们在会馆里时,还偶有议论的冲突和意思的误会,自从到吉兆胡同以来,连这一点也没有了;我们只在灯下对坐的怀旧谭中,回味那时冲突以后的和解的重生一般的乐趣。
Griselda gradually became plumper,her cheeks became rosier,the only pity was that she was so busy. houseworking left her no time even to chat,much less to read or go for walks.we often said we would have to get a maid
子君竟胖了起来,脸色*也红活了;可惜的是忙。管了家务便连谈天的工夫也没有,何况读书和散步。我们常说,我们总还得雇一个女工。
Another thing that upset me was that,when I back home in dusk, she always covert her unhappiness or force smile which depressed me even more.Then I discovered that this was owing to her quarreled with the our landlady, our landlady don’t like our mudball. But why wouldn’t she tell me outright? If there is no honesty between husband and wife, then such a home cannot last long.
这就使我也一样地不快活,傍晚回来,常见她包藏着不快活的颜色*,尤其使我不乐的是她要装作勉强的笑容。幸而探听出来了,也还是和那小官太太的暗斗,导火线便是两家的小油鸡。但又何必硬不告诉我呢?人总该有一个独立的家庭。这样的处所,是不能居住的。
I have to work 6 days a week. morning from my home to bureau, dusk from bureau to home ,I sat in my desk with an endless writing, document, letters for a meager wage.I help her cooking ,then I learned too.
我的路也铸定了,每星期中的六天,是由家到局,又由局到家。在局里便坐在办公桌前钞,钞,钞些公文和信件;在家里是和她相对或帮她生白炉子,煮饭,蒸馒头。我的学会了煮饭,就在这时候。
Our food was much better than before. She is not good at housework, but she works hard, and gradually her beautiful hands become rough.
但我的食品却比在会馆里时好得多了。做菜虽不是子君的特长,然而她于此却倾注着全力;对于她的日夜的操心,使我也不能不一同操心,来算作分甘共苦。况且她又这样地终日汗流满面,短发都粘在脑额上;两只手又只是这样地粗糙起来。
She completely changed from a college student to a housewife. After she feeding Mudball today. I told her you don’t have to work so hard for me and this family. Her eyes are full of desolation.
况且还要饲阿随,饲油鸡,……都是非她不可的工作。我曾经忠告她:我不吃,倒也罢了;却万不可这样地操劳。她只看了我一眼,不开口,神色*却似乎有点凄然;我也只好不开口。然而她还是这样地操劳。
Disaster finally coming as I expected long, in the morning of the day before national day,the secretary of commissioner send me a short letter,
Dear Gerrald:
You are fired, come here and take away your last month’s wage
Oct ,9
我所豫期的打击果然到来。双十节的前一晚,我呆坐着,她在洗碗。听到打门声,我去开门时,是局里的信差,交给我一张油印的纸条。我就有些料到了,到灯下去一看,果然,印着的就是:奉局长谕史涓生着毋庸到局办事秘书处启十月九号
Was it caused by Griselda’s father and uncle?or some rumours about me?or someone I offend was the friend of our commissioner? Whatever.
Infact this was really no blow,because I had ready decided that work as a clerk somewhere else or teach, or write, or even.though it was more difficult to do some translation work. I knew the editor of magazine which named Liberty’s friend,and I had corresponded with him for a couple of months previously.But all the same,my heart was thumping.What distressed most was that even Griselda was,the fearless as she was,had turned pale.Recently she seemed to be weeker,more faint-hearted.
What does it matter?she said,we can take a new beginning.and a new life.we……

She didn't finish her speaking.
这在会馆里时,我就早已料到了;那雪花膏便是局长的儿子的赌友,一定要去添些谣言,设法报告的。到现在才发生效验,已经要算是很晚的了。其实这在我不能算是一个打击,因为我早就决定,可以给别人去钞写,或者教读,或者虽然费力,也还可以译点书,况且《自由之友》的总编辑便是见过几次的熟人,两月前还通 过信。但我的心却跳跃着。那么一个无畏的子君也变了色*,尤其使我痛心;她近来似乎也较为怯弱了。

“那算什么。哼,我们干新的。我们……。”她说。

 

 

 

 
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MandarinAi
Jun 11, 2020
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